Love Language and its Impact on Brain Chemistry
By David Kua
With Valentine’s Day around the corner, love is in the air! Let’s explore some of the ways to appreciate our loved ones on this special occasion.
Love languages have a profound impact on brain chemistry by influencing hormones, neurotransmitters, and overall emotional well-being. Understanding this connection can help us appreciate how deeply our relationships influence both our mental and physical health.
What are the Five Love Languages?
In his book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, Dr. Gary Chapman proposed 5 main ways of expressing and receiving love, which include:
Words of affirmation: Verbal expressions of love - praise, appreciation and compliments.
Compliment and Praise: Take a moment to give your partner, friend, or family member a sincere compliment about something they don’t often hear. Whether it’s praising their hard work or kindness, it can make them feel truly valued.
Active Listening: Sometimes, appreciating someone doesn’t always involve speaking; it can mean truly listening when they speak. When we actively listen and acknowledge their feelings, it helps validate emotions and strengthen connections.
Acts of service: Doing kind and helpful things for other people.
Help with Tasks or Chores: If your partner or family member is overwhelmed with work, taking over a task for them can show that you’re thinking about their well-being. Whether it’s doing the dishes, grocery shopping, or managing household chores, these thoughtful actions can speak volumes.
Surprise Gestures: Plan a surprise activity or do something they’ve mentioned wanting to do for a while. Whether it’s preparing their favourite meal or organizing a spontaneous weekend getaway, it shows you care about their happiness.
Receiving Gifts: The act of giving and receiving tangible tokens of affection.
Personalized or Meaningful Gifts: Giving a gift that has personal significance—such as something that reflects their interests, hobbies, or dreams—shows you understand them on a deeper level. It could be a custom-made piece of jewelry, a book by their favourite author, or something special.
Handmade Gifts: If you have a special hobby, such as knitting, painting, or crafts, making something by hand for a loved one can add a personal touch.
Quality Time: Spending meaningful time together.
Deep Conversations: Engage in meaningful conversations where you actively listen to each other. It could be about dreams, goals, or even just chatting about how your day went. Conversations that involve sharing thoughts, feelings, and experiences can help deepen emotional bonds.
Shared Adventures: Once in a while, it is exciting to try something new together—whether it’s taking a dance class, going on a hike, or volunteering. Experiencing new things together can increase emotional intimacy and build a shared sense of joy and accomplishment.
Physical Touch: These include hugs, hand-holding, or any physical affection.
Hugs and Kisses: A heartfelt hug can be an incredibly comforting way to show affection. A kiss on the cheek, forehead, or lips can help your loved one feel cared for and emotionally supported.
Cuddling: Sometimes, nothing says “I love you” more than simply curling up together on the couch and watching your favourite shows. Cuddling promotes feelings of warmth and emotional safety.
Physical Intimacy: For romantic partners, making time for physical intimacy—whether through affection or sex—can be a key way of bonding. It can deepen the emotional connection and enhance feelings of closeness and trust.
Neurotransmitters in action
These chemicals play a vital role in communication between neurons (nerve cells) in the brain and throughout the nervous system. They are essential for almost every aspect of our biology, from regulating mood and cognition to controlling movement and bodily functions. Here’s how love languages might affect our brain chemistry by secreting these various neurotransmitters:
Dopamine - increases feelings of pleasure and reward.
Serotonin - enhances mood and emotional stability.
Oxytocin - strengthens emotional bonds and promotes trust.
Endorphins - contributes to feelings of joy and relief from stress.
Conclusion:
When we receive love in a way that aligns with our love language, it triggers positive brain chemicals which boost our mood and emotional well-being. On the other hand, feeling unloved can lead to stress, anxiety, and even depression (Zhou et al., 2023). Each love language works by activating different brain pathways that promote bonding and mental health (Harvard Medical School, n.d.).
Understanding both your own and your loved ones' love languages can improve communication and strengthen relationships by enhancing emotional health and brain chemistry. It is important that we appreciate and celebrate with our loved ones, not just on special occasions but throughout the year.
Extra Readings:
https://www.verywellmind.com/words-of-affirmation-4783539
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/kindness/kindness-matters-guide
https://www.verywellmind.com/receiving-gifts-love-language-4783665
https://www.verywellmind.com/can-the-five-love-languages-help-your-relationship-4783538
https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/relationships-need-quality-time/
References:
https://hms.harvard.edu/news-events/publications-archive/brain/love-brain
Zhou HY, Zhu WQ, Xiao WY, Huang YT, Ju K, Zheng H, Yan C. Feeling unloved is the most robust sign of adolescent depression linking to family communication patterns. J Res Adolesc. 2023 Jun;33(2):418-430. doi: 10.1111/jora.12813. Epub 2022 Nov 20. PMID: 36404680.