November is Family Caregiver Month
Are You a Care Partner Procrastinator or Planner?
Are you by nature a planner or a procrastinator when approaching critical crossroads of decision making? It is sometimes challenging to balance planning ahead versus staying focused in the present. How and when we take action related to managing health conditions is similar to how we behave in other arenas. So, back to the opening question: do you tend to be a planner or a procrastinator? Or are you unsure which category you fall into? Perhaps that’s because we don’t fall neatly into these discrete categories. However, we do have styles and patterns for how we make decisions. Consider these different strategies in planning a dinner party.
The planner, weeks before the party, consults many cookbooks and online recipes and may try the recipe out ahead of time. Planners will try to set the table a day before and does food preparation as far ahead as possible. When guests arrive, music is playing and appetizers are plated. The procrastinator decides to see what looks good at the market and will base the menu on that, shops for what is fresh and enjoys the excitement of trying something new. If there is last minute preparation, guests may be asked to put on an apron and help out!
One approach isn’t better than another. The planner may feel more pressure to have all aspects of the dinner well-orchestrated. The procrastinator may be more adventurous and is known by friends and family for spontaneity.
A great deal of humor is used regarding these two groups of individuals. Some relevant quotes for planners: “A goal without a plan is just a wish” and “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail”. And for the procrastinators, there are these more humorous adages: “Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week”, or “If it weren’t for the last minute, I wouldn’t get anything done!” and consider this one, “If procrastination was an Olympic sport, I’d compete in it later!”
As is the case with all humor, joking is a way of coping with stressful life situations. We also know that black and white categories usually don’t hold true. In the case of procrastinators or planners most of us have some characteristics of both personalities.
The purpose of this blog is not about shame or blame planners versus procrastinators! Rather it is about looking at how different styles for problem solving affect critical life decisions. People often ask, is it “too early” or “too late” to plan for lifestyle changes related to a diagnosis? We know that from the moment on learns of a diagnosis, life is dramatically changed. There are cascading decisions that begin as one leaves the physician’s office after a diagnosis is made.
Questions arise such as: when and how to share the diagnosis, what about work, is driving safe, is a move necessary, when to hire help at home and how early should the difficult discussions about end of life happen. There is a lot to consider and fortunately there is usually time to carefully consider options.
Here are some general guiding principles that can be helpful at any decision crossroad:
Don’t worry alone. Involve others as you consider options for change.
Support groups can be lifelines at decision crossroads. Every member of the group is an “expert” and can share wisdom and experience.
Gather information. The best decisions are made with facts; not driven by fears, fantasies or misinformation.
Ask for help! You can do anything, but you can’t do everything.
Ask members of your health care team to participate in helping you think about changes.
Pinpoint the obstacles for making change and then brainstorm solutions.
It’s ok to get “stalled out”; we all need a periodic time out. But then figure out how to get back on track.
Decision making is usually modifiable. Consider the metaphor of using a pencil and eraser in your planning (you probably wouldn’t use a pen to work on a crossword puzzle!)
Don’t let perfect get in the way of good enough. Often a good enough plan is a starting point. Waiting for the perfect plan can be a trap.
Keep humor in your back pocket. Remember these wise words: “He or she who laughs, lasts”. Laughter can be a great coping mechanism.
The ongoing task of care providing care and planning in the face of a health condition is challenging! Think about “What gives you strength?” Strength, for some, is garnered by being in nature, or music can help one transcend stress, while others may turn to gathering the family for ceremony and celebration. There are so many ways that each of us find to cope and remain resilient. Think about what has given you strength in the past and tap into those resources as you find your way.
With permission, this is an excerpt from a blog written by Lissa Kapust, LICSW, a clinical social worker and coordinator of “Wellness Works” program at the Parkinson Foundation Center of Excellence at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston, Massachusetts
Check out the BC Brain Wellness Program Care Partner Programming
Care Partner Preparedness Course: November 7, 14, 21, 28 10:00-11:30 am
Care Partner Workshop – Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Care Partners with Courtney Doherty: December 5, 2022, 10:00-11:30 am
Stay tuned to the BWP website winter registration for more Care partner programming to come as well as for recordings and resources of past workshops!
