Redefining Men’s Mental Health

Jun. 13

by Myriame Lyons

Have you watched the movie about Mr. Rogers called A Beautiful Day In The Neighbourhood? It’s the movie where Tom Hanks (actor) plays the famous host of the preschool television series Mr. Rogers’ Neighbourhood, which ran from 1968-2001.

I recently watched the movie and was struck by Mr. Rogers’ transformational impact on the mood of the male protagonist. I think most people who have watched the original Mr. Rogers series - or the recent movie - will agree that he offered the viewer (child AND parents alike) a safe opportunity to be emotionally resilient.

With June being recognized as Canadian Men's Health Month, I thought it appropriate to include the principles of Mr. Rogers’ emotional resiliency teachings into this blog about men’s mental health. Not only was there a beautiful psycho-educational component to his programming, but it also offered a modeling of how men can show up in the world.

Undoing The Culture of Stoicism

There has been lots of change in the last decade in how men ‘show up’ as a community member, a professional, a parent, a friend. Yet there is still a stigma around male stoicism. Men - self-identified or cisgendered - have been historically emotionally barricaded. They have been called ‘weak’ when displaying sadness or ‘wussies’ for being scared. Going along with the culture of stoicism can secure a sense of belonging to the community, but at what cost?

Research in mental health continues to show that suppressing (or pushing away) emotions impacts long-term health. Just because emotional suppression instantly decreases the outward expressions of emotion doesn’t mean that the inner emotional experience is canceled. Rather what can happen is a manifestation of ugly symptoms, such as anxiety, depression, insomnia, stress, and other health conditions.

The Importance of Emotions

As humans we are wired to feel emotions. Our “emotional brain” (found in the limbic system, which is at the heart of the central nervous system) processes our environment and informs us of its potential safety and danger. This monitoring system happens autonomically, or without conscious control, and is key to our survival. When we quicken our pace to avoid an unexpected oncoming car and only realize how fast we managed to move away seconds later, this is the result of our emotional brain kicking into action based on the signals it picked up in our environment. We need our emotions to feel through situations in order to live.

Talking About Our Feelings

As Mr. Rogers said in the movie: “anything mentionable is manageable”. With courage and practice, talking about feelings can become easier. However, people (directly or indirectly) learn to ignore their emotions because they are uncomfortable or threaten a sense of belonging to others who are needed (like partners, friends, family). Left unexpressed, emotions can fester inside our bodies, causing all kinds of unwanted health impacts. Emotional suppression can leave us feeling overwhelmed and out of control.

Courage is a wonderful antidote. When we courageously start talking about our feelings (I feel [emotion] about [situation]), the discomfort that is initially felt inside of us defuses and becomes more manageable. Talking about our feelings releases us from the unmanageable build up of emotional suppression, and connects us with others around us.

3 Ways That Men Can Have Better Mental Health

1. Check Your Mental Health

If you aren’t sure where to begin, but know you are wanting change from your current state, you can easily check your own mental health using the Men’s Health Foundation assessment tool, Men’s Health Check: https://menshealthfoundation.ca/mens-health-check/.

This is a free, confidential tool that provides a report showing potential risk level for any of the 8 most common men’s health diseases and conditions, and includes a health screening schedule to see what needs to be checked and when. This is a useful tool to get you making changes and accessing different health services, like counselling therapy.

2. Talk to Others, Especially Other Men

I know taking the first step to getting support is hard. And I know that there is a part of you that wants change. This part has already demonstrated courage by just reading this blog post, and can continue onto this courageous path by talking to others about your concerns. Break the cycle of stoicism and reach out to your friends and family. Join support groups like Living Your Best With Emotional Resiliency, which is offered at BC Brain Wellness Program. (https://www.bcbrainwellness.ca/living-your-best-with-a-chronic-condition) or if you are a care partner, try Your Time: A Series of classes for care partners (https://www.bcbrainwellness.ca/your-time).

3. Think of Someone Who Has Loved You Into Being You

This is a 1-minute exercise borrowed from the movie A Beautiful Day In The Neighbourhood where you think about someone who has loved you into being you. Go ahead - try it out! You might think of a dear friend, a parent figure, a beloved teacher or spouse. Think about them and how they make you feel. Allow yourself to soak up these feelings and pleasant sensations that arise in you through this imaginative exercise. In such a moment of reflection you can feel a shift inside of yourself, a shift that might bring a warm expansive feeling throughout the body.