Three Easy Ways to Practice Love and Kindness
by Myriame Lyons, MA, RCC
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
Do you ever wonder what self-love is actually about? Do you hear co-workers or friends talk about how love and kindness has changed their life? Have you ever heard a family member express compassion for themself and wondered “how do I do that”? Well, you are not alone.
The practice of love and kindness, while inherent to each of us, can be harder to engage in depending on life circumstances. Today you are going to learn three ways that you start practising more love and kindness in your life.
And these emotional resiliency tools actually work!
What is Love and Kindness?
Love and kindness can mean and look a lot of different ways for all of us. As an emotionally-focused and somatically-informed therapist, I have come to appreciate love and kindness as emotions experienced and felt within the body. While our thoughts might sound gentle, inviting and appreciative, we also want to feel a sense of warmth in the body, a swelling sensation in the upper body, and a calm and grounded sensation throughout the lower body. Some of us might become teary eyed or carry a gentle smile. Love and kindness tends to be a full body experience that is welcomed and pleasant.
Why is Embodying Love and Kindness Important?
When we can feel and sit with the feelings of love and kindness, we create a shift in our mood. Depending on the circumstance, we might go from a stressed or irritated state (the sympathetic activation of the nervous system) to a connected and compassionate state (the ventral vagal parasympathetic activation). Witnessing a state shift by being aware of our physical sensations - in our body - helps us to register these welcomed feelings, which later on acts as anchors. Building embodied anchors more readily guides us out of an unwelcome state and into a state - or feeling - that we know is welcomed.
Three Ways to Practice Love and Kindness
Each of us have our own way of expressing love and kindness whether through acts of service or verbal affirmations. Get curious and play around with different love languages to see which feels more powerful within you. You can try going for a walk, journaling, getting a massage, eating your favourite meal, doing your nails at home, repeating positive statements to yourself, listening to a guided meditation, or praying; take note of what resonates with you to find a few that make you feel lighter and calmer.
If you need help with finding your love language start by answering the following statements:
I often need ____________________________ after a long day.
I like hearing the words ________________ from others.
I feel supported when __________________________.
If you are wanting new or different - yet easy - ways that you can put love and kindness into practice, here are three that you can use today.
1. Read a self-compassion passage. You can read (and re-read) a self-compassion passage like this one (adapted from Kristin Neff’s 5-min self-compassion meditation) to shift into a welcomed emotional state:
This is a harder moment.
Struggling is a part of life.
It’s not abnormal to feel this way. Many people struggle too.
May I be kind to myself at this moment.
I can do hard things.
It’s going to be okay, [first name].
2. Talk kindly to yourself in the third person. This act of love and kindness comes from the self-distancing technique. Similar to when a loved one offers you compassionate words, talking to yourself in the third person helps you distance yourself from the situation, making you feel supported, heard and seen, even if by yourself. When talking kindly to yourself, include a nickname or words of endearment like buddy or darling. Like the line from the passage above: It’s going to be okay, [first name].
3. Hold Yourself Gently. Offering yourself a caring and gentle hold can bring a beautiful moment of comfort. You might place your hands across your upper body, interlock your fingers, support your jaw, or even wrap yourself in a blanket. As you hold yourself gently for a few moments, notice the warmth of your body, the easiness of your breath, the letting go of muscle tension. Be here a few moments longer. Just like being held by a loved one, offering yourself a caring hold or touch is soothing because it activates your ventral vagal parasympathetic nervous system.
Practising one or more of these strategies is a powerful way to start a love and kindness practice.
As my Mom always says, you never know until you try!
If you would like to expand your emotional resiliency, check out the class Living Your Best With Emotional Resiliency (https://www.bcbrainwellness.ca/living-your-best-with-a-chronic-condition) or if you are a carepartner try Your Time.
References
https://www.justinlmft.com/polyvagal101
https://www.hilaryjacobshendel.com/what-is-the-change-triangle-c18dd
https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-kristin-neff/
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1877042811008019