“We can’t direct the wind but…”
By Lissa Kapust, LICSW, Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston, Massachuesetts
I am writing this blog on April 22, Earth Day, over 6 weeks since the COVID-19 quarantine began. Tonight’s news celebrated Earth Day: lockdown and social isolation have had a positive impact on the planet with a decrease in emissions of greenhouse gasses. We are breathing cleaner air. But we know the human toll and the psychological impact of COVID-19 has been immense. We are all experiencing a tsunami of emotions day after day. Familiar landmarks we once relied on to show us the way are gone. Validation of experiences brings welcome relief. I will share some gems of wisdom I have discovered, with thanks to the internet. Selected articles, poems, talks and videos have helped me cope with the huge life transitions. One can say, “There it is in black and white; that captures just what I feel!”.
I will start with a poem I circulated the first week of the pandemic. The poem is called “Pandemic” and it was written by a little-known poet, Lynn Unger, who was wrestling with newly imposed social distancing practices. Unger asks that we embrace the idea that we don’t have ultimate control over our lives. Her poem celebrates connections and community. The gold nugget in the poem for me, is the idea that on Shabbat (and during COVID-19 quarantine) there is opportunity to “center down”. This has become a mantra for me and helps me to settle down when fears and anxiety begin to escalate. Unger’s poem appeared first on Facebook and quickly went viral. Many clients of all faiths related to this poem early on in the pandemic. You can read it here.
See if her ideas resonate with you, ideas that are so simply and beautifully expressed.
Week #2 of the quarantine. Like many teams around the country, we were challenged to transform our work. I had just been sent a humorous internet post (@benjaminhenretig) that provided a much needed lighter look at “heavy” ideas. Similar to Unger’s poem, Henretig offered a different view of important COVID-19 concepts. For example, “shelter in place” was reframed as “artist-in-residence”; “isolation and loneliness” was reconsidered as “solidarity and solitude.” Finally, “quarantine out of fear for self-protection” was reframed as “quaranteam out of concern for collective well-being.”
So, what would inspire me for the coming week? Fortunately, I received an article, “That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief,” published in the Harvard Business Review. The author dusts off Kubler-Ross’s stages of grief (which I thought were out of date) and really brings them forward in a meaningful way into the COVID-19 pandemic. Group members talked about the grieving they had been doing prior to the pandemic for loss of wellbeing and altered lifestyles related to their diagnosis of PD. The sense of grief they feel under the current circumstances is compounded: “grief layered on top of grief.” Fortunately, the author doesn’t leave us in a hopeless state of despair. He takes the reader through anger, bargaining and then acceptance. It is in the stage of acceptance that strategies to cope with the pandemic are described which allow us to take some control and have some agency over the situation. I re-read this article regularly. The framework of grief is helpful to me. As with the poem and reframing I cite above, this article names the feeling grief, and urges us to all feel comfortable with experiencing the sadness for a changed world…and then move forward.
As we moved into the next weeks of quarantine, clients referenced feeling “trapped” in the limited and repeated routines of daily life. There were references to the classic movie Groundhog Day. In this movie, Bill Murray, the lead character, is unable to escape the same day of his life. This is a powerful metaphor for how we feel in quarantine. I was excited to open up a “Live Inspired” blog from John O’Leary called The Truth of Groundhog Day. In the movie the lead character is eventually able to break free of his joyless and limited life that’s repeated day after day. We watch him transform into a less self-centered person with a greater capacity to relate to others and experience the opportunities that exist in each new day. The writer guides the reader to strategies for coping with the COVID19 pandemic that can help one break free from the Groundhog Day experience.
A more recent “gem” is a video called Quarantine Through Art. This was a much needed uplift during week 5. This one minute slide show video features famous works of art that are easily recognizable. Subtitles on each painting feature phases of the quarantine labeled as: no contact, kissing, balcony chats, social distancing, interminable mornings and coughing. The video features art that leaves the viewer hopeful: masterpieces reflect group chat, when it’s over and meeting up again. I won’t give away the short message at the end which has provided me with an inspiring mantra. Art helps spirits soar. It’s good medicine during the pandemic. This clever video is another helpful way to reframe COVID-19 concepts.
Week 6 and the most recent addition to my collection of “what’s out there to share” is a TED talk that a client alerted me to, “Regain control in an unpredictable world”. This 14 minute talk by psychologist Susan David is well worth the investment of time. As the title indicates, the emphasis in the talk helps the listener regain one’s foothold and sense of agency. After 6 weeks of quarantine, her suggestions about “getting unstuck” are much needed. She challenges the listener to make behavioral changes using proven techniques. Borrowing passages from Winnie the Pooh, the speaker’s words boil down necessary changes to rather simple ideas. We have heard so much about all of us “being in this together.” Susan David makes an important distinction: we are all in this together, but differently. For each of us this pandemic is a different experience, though there are common threads that we share.
As I end this blog, I return to the title, “We can’t direct the wind but…” This title is missing the critical ending of the quote. The quote (2018) by Thomas S. Monson is embedded in the stone wall of a Boston boat house. A few years old, this quote could have been written today.
Here’s the whole quote:
“We can’t direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.”
— Thomas S. Monson, 2018
We need to hear this as a call to action and to embrace adaptation in our personal and professional lives. The headlines of past weeks have been about adjusting the sails and it is likely that this will be the task ahead for each of us for some time going forward.
This blog piece was adapted from a piece written by Lissa Kapust, LICSW, Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston, Massachuesetts (April, 2020).
Ideas and opinions expressed in this post reflect that of the author(s) solely. They do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the BC Brain Wellness Program.