Social Health and the holiday season: too much, too little and just right!
-Elaine Book
”Human relationships are primary in all of living. When the gusty winds blow and shake our lives, if we know that people care about us, we may bend with the wind…but we won’t break” by Fred Rogers
Social health is important all year long, not just around the holidays! Yet the holidays do bring up a lot of different emotions because of social obligations or unmet social needs.
Let’s start with a definition…. Social health is the aspect of overall health and wellbeing that comes from connection. Whereas physical health is about your body and mental health is about your mind, social health is about your relationships. Related, feelings of loneliness is like hunger…it is a message from your body to your brain that it needs something it’s not getting and that is essential for survival.
It is well known that a lack of connection is dangerous, increasing people’s risk of stroke by 32 %, their risk of dementia by 50% and risk of early death by 29%. And conversely, meaningful connections can actually help you recover from health issues. Across different types of illness and disease, people who feel more supported tend to experience fewer symptoms and even survive longer than people who are more isolated. Without doubt, social health is an essential component of daily life and many healing journeys.
From a Canadian national survey, the following social habits correspond with the highest amount of well-being and have come to be known as the 5-3-1 guideline…
Connect with 5 different people each week
Maintain 3 close relationships in general
Dedicate at least 1 hour each day to social interaction
So what ideas might you set up to make social health easier?
Perhaps a quarterly phone call with a friend or a monthly meet up or weekly reminder to call a family member or a daily check in on a neighbor.
Here are some easy exercises to work on your social fitness…
Plan a quarterly phone call or a monthly meet up or weekly reminder to call a family member or friend
Do a daily check in on a neighbor
Talk for ten – call a friend, neighbor, relative and talk for 10 minutes
Eat together – start a tradition of sharing a meal with someone
Introduce yourself - people in your building, at your local park, the grocery store
Do what you love with others! Join an exercise or creative expression class, plan a hike or walk with a group, join a book club
Volunteer with a local cause you care about
However, even these small steps may seem daunting for any number of reasons. Know that with practice, it does get easier. And do look for the right opportunities for you (for example, talking on the phone might be easier than meeting face to face OR do an activity with someone makes it easier to engage in conversation like going to an art gallery or grocery shopping). Think of social connection like physical exercise. Experiment with many different ways to connect and kinds of connection to figure out what you like best.
We need supportive relationships in place for survival. And this requires exercising our social muscles so that they are ready and strong when we need to rely on them. It is about building your community before you need it.
We know that when you take medication, there are often negative side effects. With a social prescription, there are generally positive ripple effects. Putting effort into your social health is an act of self-care, love and compassion that is also reciprocal!
Want to read more on this topic….
“We should get together: The secret to cultivating better friendships” by Kate Vellos
https://www.amazon.ca/Should-Get-Together-Cultivating-Friendships/dp/1734379707
“Alternatives of How are You” blog by Kate Vellos
https://weshouldgettogether.com/blog/how-are-you-alternatives
https://weshouldgettogether.com/products/p/better-conversations-desktop-wallpapers
https://www.artandhealing.org/be-unlonely/
https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/recipes-for-connection.pdf
The Joy of Connections by Dr. Ruth Westheimer
https://www.amazon.ca/Joy-Connections-Loneliness-Happier-Meaningful/dp/0593736222
And courtesy of Weave: the social fabric project, here are some movies/documentaries on the topic…..
Join or Die It’s an ominous title, but this documentary delivers a powerful, positive message that we can heal society’s isolation and divides by just showing up. It explains decades of research by Robert Putnam, the political scientist who wrote Bowling Alone about the decline in social capital in America. Putnam, who is featured throughout the film, shows with data that communities and governments thrive when people join things in person - whether churches, bowling teams, social clubs, political parties, or civic groups. It’s newly available on Netflix.
Two films about Mister Rogers Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood ran for nearly 30 years as a children’s program on public television. Fred Rogers, the host, taught a generation of children to acknowledge their feelings, care for each other, recognize that everyone has something to offer, and welcome others as neighbors. The first film is a documentary called Won’t You Be My Neighbor? (Netflix) The second is based on a true story of a magazine writer assigned to profile Mister Rogers, whose life was changed because of their relationship. The film A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (Hulu and others) stars Tom Hanks.
A Case for Love In this documentary, a film crew travels across America interviewing everyday people, politicians, religious leaders, and weavers of all types. It explores whether or not love, specifically unselfish love, can heal the extreme social and political divides facing the world. Bishop Michael Curry, who gave a passionate sermon about “The Power of Love” at the royal wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, is featured. You can rent A Case for Love on many streaming channels.
The Antidote This documentary “weaves together stories of kindness, decency, and the power of community in America. It's about everyday people who make the intentional choice to lift others up, despite fundamentally unkind realities in our society.” The film shows communities across the US where neighbors are getting together to do everything from helping unhoused folks find connection and support to integrating refugees into their communities. “It's about who we are and maybe, who we can be.” You can rent The Antidote on several streaming channels.
References:
“Art and Science of Social connection: Why social health is the missing key to living longer, healthier and happier” by Kasey Killam
https://www.amazon.com/Art-Science-Connection-Missing-Healthier/dp/0063289113
US Department of Health and Human Services, Office of the US Surgeon General, “Advisory: The Healing Effects of Social Connection.”
Kiffer Card, Cindy Yu, Adam Frost, Jocelle Refol, Pete Bombaci (2022) “Evidence Brief – How much social time do we need?” Canadian Alliance for Social Connection and Health.
Making Caring Common (2024). Loneliness in America: Just the Tip of the Iceberg?
https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/reports/loneliness-in-america-2024